Ever thought about what happens when you meet someone…
This is the meaning of life !
Every interaction between two humans starts in this way and from the following perspective:
Have I seen anything like this before – what do I want – what do I need
(Their core, what makes them tick)
From this comes the plan or the objectives
To help them be what they are or achieve what they want. It is not written down, it may be a conscious decision or a subconscious one – If you sit on a bus and have a space next to you, as you approach a bus stop you might move to the outer seat or the inner seat to allow another passenger to sit or to dissuade another passenger from joining you.
When two or more people meet they have a plan about how to address the other persons perceived needs… see Avatar, Aces
There is often some form of a negotiation – this could be an internal monologue or a true activity
How I might approach this or how much might I reveal to others about me and my intentions/values – ‘if I move, what will others think of my actions – have I done anything like this before? What happened on previous occasions, what is the chance of my actions achieving my objective this time?
The activity takes place…
The results of the activity are then reviewed
Did they help to deliver my personal needs? – did my plan work, how might I do it differently next time or refine my plan for future use
The ‘Green box’ is to represent the external factors shared by both parties, everyone can see these – economy, weather etc. (these are best expressed and explored using the PESTEL mnemonic) these outside common factors will effect both parties ‘objectives’ and are related to ‘shooting the breeze, hairdresser chat, “Chatting Sh1t”
The ‘Blue box’ represents the specific external pressures relating to individuals work, job or role. These relate to your self-image and can be financially driven, career driven or life role driven – mother, wife, etc. In business they relate to T; Tu; Ta; E –
The ‘red box’ represent the very core personal needs ‘respect me’; ‘Love me’; ‘make me safe’; ‘make me look good’; ‘make me laugh’; ‘help me win’; ‘promote me’; ‘show me how’; etc. etc. See also Imposter Syndrome, Self-Talk Cycle, and Self-Image
As we begin to talk to someone, we begin the process of moving from the outside green box to the inner Red area. If we move too fast then the other party may well ‘run for cover’ – If we stay too long in the green area we are in danger of having shallow meaningless conversations – there are times when this is in fact the ‘order of the day’
As we discover more about the other person, by good questions, we begin to build a more robust Avatar – which will be useful on future occasions in life. [See ‘avatars’, see ‘killer questions’]
…there is always MoreThan1Answer…